Part I: Supplies and permission.
If you are a child or will have to answer to someone else, it is recommended deeply that you get permission first. Don't blame us if you get in trouble for this. Don't blame us if it comes out wrong. Also, make sure nobody else wanted to cut your hair first.
A towel - for keeping hair off of clothing or catching hair in sink.
hair cutting scissors - I wonder what for.
Bevis the barber - (optional as he never cuts your hair anyways, he'd just be there for musical entertainment)
a brush - to get thru your hair in the beginning (note: it is best you have longer hair or else this may not work. Anyways, Individual results may vary)
a comb - to keep your hair straight while cutting
a mirror - one large and one hand held used to look at your hair while cutting
three large pictures of Graham Chapman: 1 ,2,3
tape - used for pictures
Part II: Giant pile of hair in sink
Tape the three giant pictures of Graham chapman onto your mirror near the sides so you can still see your face and his also.
Brush thru your hair to make it easier to get thru. Then comb your hair so the part is in the back along the corner of your head, making only hair, and no parts visible.
With the comb straighten your hair out having most hair coming forward and side hair also coming forward. (This can get annoying)
Pick up the scissors and cut along your bangs to match Graham's bangs. In a sort of semi circular cut.
A giant pile of hair should fall in the sink.
Part III: notice giant pile of hair on shirt, in eyes, and on face
Begin to cut the sides of your hair by continuing the semi circle down to your ears, making sure there is still hair on your ears. AKA cut diagonal from where you left off to your ears.
Part III: make sure you need to go some place important tomorow
This is designed for more shock to others. Then again, some people have never seen you without Graham hair before, but in the spirit of Graham, it works a bit. Point A: it shocks.
Part IV: Taking a break
Listen to Medical Love Song, Bing Tiddle Tiddle Bang!, Christmas in heaven, or Graham's Chicken scream to give you more inspiration.
Part V: Are you sure?
Are you absolutely sure you want to finish? You can quit now. You only messed up your bangs and side of hair.
The next part is much harder!
Part VI: cutting the back of your head
Return to your bathroom or wherever else you cut your hair at, and find the scissors.
If you cannot find them, see Part VII
After you have gotten your scissors, turn around with back to the mirror. Place the small mirror in your non cutting hand and hold your arm out above you at a 45 degree angle. You should be able to see the back of your head in the small mirror. If not, adjust until you do. Begin to cut the back of your hair about an inch to an inch and a half below the bottom of where about your ears end.
Part VII: Leaving the scissors at your computer.
It is quite obvious you left them at your computer or at your CD player, where ever you listened to wavs or CDs.
Part VIII: Large Part of Hair on back of sink and on floor or evening out the back.
True isn't it?
Even out the back as best you can.
Part IX: Cleaning up large piles of hair
A. Not using the vacuum cleaner.
Do not use the vacuum cleaner. Although it makes leftover hair nice and curly, it makes a squeaky sound and begins to commit suicide if you do.
B. Picking up hair.
Grab a trash can, and toss as much hair as you can. Once you have all the big bits go to step C.
C. Putting up trash can and using vacuum.
Now, put the trash can back, and use the vacuum to get the lil bits you couldn't get with your hands.
D. Put up all supplies.
Part X: Cleaning yourself up.
Go take a shower. If you need instructions on that you're a looney.
Part XI: Optionals.
You can dye your hair like a graham cracker, if you wish.
To achieve a curly effect to your hair like Graham has, wet your hair, and tie a bandana around your forehead. comb the bangs and sides over the bandana and let dry. It should work.
If you did this w/o permission, wear a hat.
Individual results may vary.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
If it didn't turn out right here's some advice:
It will grow back.
It was best to do this in the summer when no one sees you. If you like it, do it again in a few months.
Brought to you by: Lumberjack Barbers: Do you want to be a lumberjack?